Новый английский юмор (двуязычно)

[notabler]

Поскольку мудрые мысли тяжелы и мучительны, и мукА мудрости не попадает на страницы моего ЖЖ, то приходится перебиваться, чем бог послал и друг прислал. А присылает он английские юморы исключительно. Я прикрываю свою лень двуязычием, вдруг действительно, кто-то почерпнет словечко-другое от "носителя".

Однако это вот переводить не буду - не хватает квалификации и глаза мои затуманены слезами умиления.  Это поэма, в которой австралийский мужчина воспевает свою женщину - такую, какая она есть. Уберу под кат для нежелающих учить английский или не любящих своих женщин такими, какие они есть

Australian  Love Poem Of course I love ya darlin You're a bloody top-notch bird And when I say you're gorgeous I mean every single word So ya bum is on the big side I don't mind a bit of flab It means that when I'm ready There's somethin' there to grab So your belly isn't flat no more I tell ya, I don't care So long as when I cuddle ya I can get my arms round there No Sheila who is your age Has nice round perky breasts They just gave in to gravity But I know ya did ya best I'm tellin' ya the truth now I never tell ya lies I think it’s very sexy That you've got dimples on ya thighs I swear on me nanna's grave now The moment that we met I thought you was as good as I was ever gonna get No matter what u look like I'll always love ya dear Now shut up while the cricket’s on And fetch another beer!

А это переведу

If The Shoe Fits
Husband takes the wife to a disco.

There's a guy on the dance floor living it large - break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works.
The wife turns to her husband and says: "See that guy?
25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
Жена поворачивается к мужу и говорит: "Видишь этого парня? 25 лет назад он сделал мне предложение, а я отказала"
 Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!
Муж сказал: " Выглядит, как будто он до сей поры празднует!!!"

Если ботинок не жмет
Муж повел жену на дискотеку
Там был мужик на танцевальной площадке: крутится, как юла, показывает брейк-данс,  лунную походку, обратные сальто, всякие стили.
Жена поворачивается к мужу и говорит: "Видишь этого парня? 25 лет назад он сделал мне предложение, а я отказала"
Муж сказал: " Выглядит, как будто он до сей поры празднует!!!"

Comments

[brotherskeeper1.livejournal.com]

This is typical American humor (second entry). I think this attitude carries over in to a lot of marriages. Our divorce rate is extremely high. Many couples do not take marriage seriously. They seem to be playing 'house'.

[notabler.livejournal.com]

I don't think it's American only. All nations have their own jokes about marriage, but divorce level is not the highest in US, I think. There are some different charts about divorce, quit controversial: http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/peo_div_per_100_mar-people-divorces-per-100-marriages - so no US here between the highest divorce numbers
but here http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/peo_div_rat-people-divorce-rate - US is the first

[brotherskeeper1.livejournal.com]

This seems quite low. http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/peo_div_rat-people-divorce-rate Perhaps this reflects young couples living together without being married.

A girl who works for my doctor took off work. Two weeks later she gave birth to a baby. Before she took off work, she told me that she and her boyfriend would get married after the baby was born. I could not do that. I would be afraid the boyfriend would decide he did not want to be a father after all. This is quite common.

[notabler.livejournal.com]

I was rejected by my boyfriend and raised my son on my own. In 70-th it was not common, but not very unusual. Nowadays in UK many couples are living together for many years, because they can't afford wedding. My husband's second son (about 50 year old) lived for about 30 years with his girlfriend, have 4 children between them and never have been married. Now when all children are almost independent, he left his partner, found another woman and got married in Las-Vegas. Naughty :)

[brotherskeeper1.livejournal.com]

In the US many older couples live together, too. They do not marry because each one of them receives a little bit of Social Security each month. They can get by if they put their money together. But if they marry, the government takes away one of the Social Security checks :/

Our government has done so much to hurt senior citizens with Obama as president. And there is a lot more to come. He has cut the medical benefits of elderly Americans on Medicare but raised the price we pay for Medicare each month.

The "Obamacare" you have heard about is something that most people do not want. It is not good for America. Bottom line: Americans pay so that mexicans who come here illegally have insurance, plus their families.

[notabler.livejournal.com]

Thank you for this explanation, I have heard and read some different opinions about Obama and particularly this "Obamacare". But only Americans can understand that properly, because we have NHS in UK and we don't pay for anything after 60 years age

[brotherskeeper1.livejournal.com]

Obama has not done any good for America. At first, in 2008, I believed that he would unite America which was deeply divided by 8 years of Bush and Cheney. After Obama became president, it became clear that he was going to continue the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan which Bush started. He even sent more soldiers over there rather than bring them back to the US.

I truly do not know the names of all of the countries where US solders are now. I know some are in Africa. I do not know why the American president always thinks that we need to be the policeman for the world :/

----------------
As for Obamacare, like I said, it will never benefit me. I have private Federal Insurance. But my rates increased so that money could go toward Obamacare (which I do not need or want). This is for people with no insurance. So I am paying for them too.

[rider3099.livejournal.com]

Мне кажется, что живя рядом, мы с годами уже не замечаем, что появились новые морщинки у партнера или кто-то поправился. Вернее, не так - замечаем, но любим по-прежнему.

[igorsamusenko.livejournal.com]

Ямочки на бедрах он не целлюлит имеет в виду?:))

[notabler.livejournal.com]

наверно, и все такое прочее, характерное :)))

[lyckatill.livejournal.com]

I swear on me nanna's grave now
The moment that we met
I thought you was as good as
I was ever gonna get

Вот супер! Очень понравилось стихотворение!

[ksyu-shechka.livejournal.com]

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